Suburbia

My friends and I drove into the city to visit coffee houses and smoke when I was in high school. We would drive for 40 minutes to reach only one venue. Just to sit for several hours and smoke.

Somehow, this separated us from the suburban lifestyle we all wanted to ignore. We thought that by denying our suburban heritage, somehow, we were better than the other kids in school. We wanted to be different. I remember once how we made fun of some of the jocks that we called "sportos". There were a few that had literally NEVER driven into the city from their suburb on their own. Granted, they had only been the lucky owner of a driver's license for less than a year at that point but the point was, these kids didn't look to live outside of Oakdale. It was sad.

Our egos boomed everytime we hit the city limits. We were in the city, a place where culture and teenage independence aligned quite nicely. It also gave us a respite to date, gossip, smoke, drink and experiment with our own personalities. We were no longer bound by the suffocating boredom we had all come to know in the suburbs.

At one point, I had strived so hard to become different from everyone else in school that my mom suggested I wear her old Girl Scout outfit from the 50's - a fashion statement that "no one else was going to be doing." This recommendation/observation was given to me after my mom had witnessed several hours of me and my best friend shopping in the mall, vintage stores, strip malls, Uptown, Downtown - you name it, I had been there. All of those places felt like someone had either worn it, scene it, done it already and nothing appealed to me. It was my lowest moment. Not because my mom was trying to hand out fashion advice but because I had realized that for all the months of my freshman year, striving so hard to stand out from everyone, I realized there are thousands more like me that are looking for something else. I wasn't the only one but I really wanted to be. I wanted unique, original, cool, admiration from others without admitting it, personality, beauty, perfection - anything to not just be plain old me. Not to mention, anything "cool" or "unique" had a high price tag associated with it. Something I still loathe about fashion and the industry. The more unique, the more you pay.

It was 1994 and I was 15 years old. I hated life and I hated living in the suburbs. Nothing could have been more sterile and uncreative. I was dying to get out of my own skin.